In the Absence of Fear . . .

Our culture seems to teach us—probably because our culture actually believes—that fear serves a productive or protective purpose. If we are afraid of an undesired outcome, then, the thinking goes, we will work extra hard to ensure the desired outcome instead. The assumption almost seems to be that fear is a positive and guiding force that we need to rely on to make sure we don’t make costly mistakes. I’m a dance teacher and also a public speaker and countless times, when I have confessed to others my nervousness before going onstage, I have heard “It’s good to be nervous. Keeps you on your toes!” The reality I’ve come to find though is that I am at my absolute best when I am feeling good and free from fear, not when I’m nervous.

I’ve also heard parents numerous times say something all the lines of “I want my kids to be terrified of strangers. It will keep them safe.” But in what circumstances could a misapplied fear of other people actually hinder one’s growth, inhibit one’s ability to make new connections, and limit positive opportunities? 

The “common sense” (I teach that “common sense” is something to be viewed with suspicion and a critical eye) seems to be that fear not only inspires us to better performance but also keeps us safe from threat. 

But at what cost? 

Fear is one of those greedy entities which, when given a little, begins to take a lot. Fearful conceptions of the world around us tend to be self-perpetuating and committed to their own growth. If you wake up in the morning and venture out into the world carrying fearful beliefs about the world around you, you are going to see more and more dangers around you, regardless of their actual probability or proximity. Your fear then uses that misperception to convince you that the fear was indeed warranted: “Look at all those dangerous things out in the world and even in your own house! Threats galore! Aren’t you glad you have me to keep you terrified so that you stay safe?” The sad thing is that, in my experience, many people seem to operate with that very belief: that fear keeps you safe so greater fear equals greater safety. 

Despite what so many believe, fear doesn’t even do a great job of preventing us from taking negative and dangerous risks. In fact, it is under the influence of fear that we are more likely to make mistakes, go blank, or panic in situations when we need our best thinking skills. Fear drives us to abandon our values. And fear impairs our assessment of risk. In other words, when afraid, we are more likely to take negative risks. For example, we’re more likely to cut corners or break the law by speeding when we are feeling the pressures imposed by fear.

When unchecked, fear can also prevent you from reaping the rewards of positive risks. Positive risks are when you venture something you can probably afford to lose for the sake of gaining something of more significant value. Speaking up in a meeting in your workplace, for example, may be a positive risk. By sharing your unique perspective, you risk possible judgment or being “wrong,” but the potential reward could be that you win the respect of others and get what you want! Being seen as a courageous and valuable contributor in your workplace will inevitably enhance your career! 

“Despite what so many believe, fear doesn’t even do a great job of preventing us from taking negative and dangerous risks.”

As another example, going back to school to earn a degree can feel like a risk (“What if it’s too hard? What if I don’t do well? What if it’s too expensive?”), but it may be a positive risk that opens up many opportunities for your future. Fear limits access to the things you want, even if they are realistically possible for you.

The mind-blowing truth is that you can avoid threats without being terrified of them. You don’t need to develop an intense and debilitating phobia of traffic, streets, or cars in order to avoid stepping in front of a moving vehicle. When you need to cross the road, you can simply and fearlessly decide that getting hit by a car is not something you desire today, so you simply look both ways before crossing. Desire for what you want—crossing the road safely—is entirely possible without the unhelpful and uncomfortable, oftentimes even paralyzing, effects of fear. 

“Desire for what you want s entirely possible without the unhelpful and uncomfortable, oftentimes even paralyzing, effects of fear.”

So my message here is simple: you can live a life that is both filled with what you want and safe even without the negative effects of fear. When fear enters your experience, you can practice letting it go. And then you can practice visualizing what’s possible in its absence.

In the absence of fear, you have access to freedom. 

Have you been holding onto fear that doesn’t serve you because you’ve fallen for the mistaken belief that it will keep you safe? Or that it’s somehow more “responsible” and “realistic” to be motivated by the fear of what you DON’T want rather than the desire for what you DO want? 

“In the absence of fear, you have access to freedom.”

In the absence of fear, you create space for insight and inspiration to emerge and gently guide in the directions you have always been wanting to go. 

You see, the insidious thing about fear is that it not only encourages you to dismiss positive insights and inspirations when they occur to you, but it keeps them from coming at all. 

I have found—and I also teach this to my leadership clients and groups—that if you can imagine being in a fearless state, you begin to invite brilliant new thoughts and desires and ways to move toward what you want, perhaps even what you have always wanted. 

I do this by imagining “In the absence of fear . . .” and then I find creative ways to fill in the blank. 

“In the absence of fear . . .” Exercise

Let’s try this exercise! For each sentence, simply begin to the fill in the blank with what comes to mind. Try each one multiple times and notice what starts to appear in the blanks. You’ll notice that you have more opportunities available to you without fear. You have the power to choose freedom over fear. 

In the absence of fear, I would let myself imagine . . .

In the absence of fear, I would finally attempt . . .

In the absence of fear, I wouldn’t hesitate to . . .

In the absence of fear, the world around me starts to look . . . 

In the absence of fear, I could finally get . . . 

In the absence of fear, I would start to notice . . . 

In the absence of fear, I would feel . . .

If this was at all helpful to you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d also love to hear your responses to the “In the Absence of Fear” Exercise!